Make an I-Statement

I-Statements

Today I challenge you to make I-Statements. Good communication is imperative in any relationship. Accepting responsibility for our feelings is one of the most important communication skills we can gain. This form of communication may be new to you and make take some time getting comfortable with.  Practice practice practice.  If you mess up, that's okay, just keep practicing and it will become inherent.

What is an I-Statement? An I-Statement consists of a description of how you feel, what has made you feel that way, and an explanation of why. You can also take the I-Statement one step further and share what you would like the other person to do differently.  For example: I feel....(state what you are feeling) when you....(describe the other persons behavior or what has made you feel the way you feel) because....(explain why the other persons behavior has caused you to feel this way). For instance, I feel annoyed when you don't give me your full attention when I am talking to you because I then have to repeat myself several times and I get the impression from you that what I have to say is not important. And one step further would look like this: I feel....(state what you are feeling) when you....(describe the other persons behavior or what has made you feel the way you feel) because....(explain why the other persons behavior has caused you to feel this way). I would like it if you would (state what you would like the person to do differently). For instance, I feel annoyed when you don't give me your full attention when I am talking to you because I then have to repeat myself several times and I get the impression from you that what I have to say is not important. I would like it if you would give me your undivided attention when I am talking to you and/or tell me let me know a good time to have each others undivided attention.

A great time to use an I-Statement is if you have a problem with someone or something.  I-Statements can provide a less hostile form of communication when expressing ourselves and they can assist with minimizing blaming others for our feelings. We do ourselves and our loved ones a disservice when we blame others for making us feel the way we do. An I-Statement can also assist in decreasing communication that leads to defensiveness. For example, we want to avoid statements such as "You make me so angry! You are inconsiderate! You shut up!" A more productive way to communicate the above would be, "I feel angry when you.....because...." and so on.

Remember an I-Statement has three parts (and you can go *one step further as discussed above). Here is your cheat sheet to use to assist with making proper I-Statements: 1.) Emotion- I feel.... 2.) Behavior- When you.... 3.) Why- Because..... *4.) Change- I would like....